When Waiting on God Hurts
One recent October, I was having a horrible day, which started with me spilling water all over my Macbook and ended with an important package going missing.
When I moved to LA, my cousin and I started exchanging perfume samples through mail. I was homesick, I love perfume, and I SO looked forward to both sending and receiving these packages. After breaking my laptop, I was looking forward to the package even more. When I saw it was marked as delivered, I raced down to the mail room, where our security guards told me that actually, I had no packages waiting. This had never happened before and I was DETERMINED to find my package. I was prepared to press the mailman, look at security footage, make a scene at the post office….. I was down for whatever, lol. After talking to the mailman and security guards the next day, I felt a nudge that said “let it go.”
And so begrudgingly, I did. I moved out of that building a few months later to a new building and a new neighborhood. Though I was annoyed, in time, I forgot about that package.
Nine months after that package went missing, I was headed out for my normal afternoon walk when I passed by the mail and noticed familiar handwriting.
“It couldn’t be,” I thought.
But it was.
That package was delivered. Even though I had a completely new address, the package found me.
And in that moment, God reminded me that
- He loves to surprise me
- No matter what I did or didn’t do, the package was always on its way to me. No amount of pressing the mailman or playing Inspector Gadget was going to get the package to come quicker. Even when I gave up on it and forgot about it, it was always on its way.
- It took 9 months, but I was SOO delighted and surprised when the package finally arrived that it felt like no time at all. The wait no longer mattered. It doesn’t matter how long it took, it matters that I received it.
Just a girl waiting on God 🙂
In this season of my life, I feel like waiting on so many things. And sometimes it hurts. Sometimes I cry and then cry some more. I’m longing and desiring for different things in my career, my love life, my social life. All of it. My mom jokes that I was born rushing and I haven’t slowed down since.
But this is what God is teaching me…
If what I desire so deeply, puts an ache in my heart, and forces me to my knees, at the feet of Jesus, in desperate pleas and cries and tears, then it’s better for me not to have that thing.
If what is missing forces me into deeper intimacy with Jesus, my soul’s true craving, then it’s better for me to not have that thing. If longing for something puts me in a place where I feel frustrated and helpless, then good. It’s only then when I surrender and put my life back into God’s hands. If I’ve done all I can and the only thing I can now do, is release the burden and desire to God, then good. That’s the very best position I can be in.
There’s always going to be something new I want. There’s always going to be something I’m waiting on. A person, an opportunity, a dream, a status, a healing. And if God is using this waiting season to teach me how to be content in all circumstances, it’s a lesson that will pay dividends for the rest of my life.
The purpose of my life isn’t a stacked bank account, generational wealth, a happy marriage, or 10M followers. The purpose of my life isn’t to reach these arbitrary milestones. It’s bigger. The purpose of my life isn’t my comfort, it’s God’s glory. And that’s bigger than any dream I have.
My favorite Waiting on God Bible verses
Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you Psalm 73:25 [NIV]
Ask and keep on asking and it will be given to you; seek and keep on seeking and you will find’ knock and keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who keeps on asking, receives, and he who keeps on seeking finds, and to him who keeps on knocking, it will be opened.
Find your delight and true pleasure in Yahweh, and he will give you what you desire the most. Psalm 37:4 [TPT]
“If anyone wants to follow Me [as my disciple], he must deny himself [set aside selfish interests], and take up his cross daily [expressing a willingness to endure whatever may come] and follow Me [believing in Me, conforming to My example in living and, if need be, suffering or perhaps dying because of faith in Me. For whoever wishes to save his life [in this world] will [eventually] lose it, but whoever loses his life [in this world] for My sake, he is the one who will save it. For what does it profit a man, if he gains the whole world [wealth, fame, success] and loses or forfeits himself.” Luke 9:23-25 [AMP]
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1: 2-4 [NKJV]
My Waiting Season Playlist
Sometimes when there’s no words left, worship unlocks something in me and ushers in sweet sweet communion with God. The songs on this playlist have helped me in some of the darkest moments.
I hope this blesses and inspires you.
To waiting on God,
Renee <3